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December 21, 2012

Goodbye, everyone. Farewell.

I’m hearing that today the world is ending. Or so the Mayan calendar says.

That’s ok with me. There’s no love lost here. With the exception of many of you, I won’t miss it.

This world is a cruel and cold place, even if it is about to heat up exponentially.

As a Catholic Christian, I believe in a better world coming anyway.

I don’t know if the world will end. It doesn’t look any different today than any other day from where I’m sitting.

The world I loved ended years ago anyhow. It’s been a cold, bleak, desolate place ever since. Maybe an end would be a good thing. The dinosaurs don’t seem to be suffering anymore. I know I don’t want to.

Today, ironically, marks the end of one world for me….my house is scheduled to sell today. Maybe that’s what the Mayans were predicting. Maybe they knew that today would mark the closing of my house and the end of the dream of a beautiful home for my family. That dream was from a lifetime of dreaming and meant the world to me.

It’s been a long process to get to the house closing. I’m relieved it’s coming to an end. It’s been a financial burden and emotional drain since before it was even built.

The memories from that house are painful, even the good ones now. That’s how divorce is. I’m told there is nothing you can do about it, but survive it. I am.

I walked through the house with my children one final time early this morning. We looked to make sure we had every last thing we wanted to keep out of it.

I reflected for a moment on the memories I have from living in the home. Waves of feelings overwhelmed me, but I tried to suppress every one. They all seemed to hurt. I can only hope my kids didn’t notice…or feel the same way.

As I pulled the door closed and locked it one final time, I thought of the moment I carried my former wife across the same threshold many years earlier, full of love in my heart and hopeful dreams for a good life for all of us in my head.

How things have changed since.

IF we make it through today, and that’s a big “IF”, I need to believe in a better tomorrow. That’s why I started a new job this week even though the world was ending. That’s why I put on my cape every morning, carry on the best I can, and love my kids with all I have left.

As my kids scampered off from the car when I dropped them off, I told them I loved them – maybe one last time. You never know when that last time will be. The parents of the kids at Sandy Hook elementary school didn’t know their recent goodbye would be their last. First I dropped off my beautiful daughter at school. Then I dropped off my boys at their mom’s. I told the boys if the world does end today to be strong, and don’t let the women see you cry. I don’t know whether that was good advice or not. But it seemed like advice my father might have given me.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you. Tomorrow, you’re only a day away.

Maybe…or so we can hope…and, we can pray. It is the season of miracles. And I imagine we could all use one today.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Ed Novick permalink*
    December 22, 2012 1:39 pm

    Are you still there? I am. I guess the world didn’t end yesterday after all. Then again, there was another processing delay yesterday and the house sale didn’t go through. 😦

    Oh, well, the good news is we have today. Praise God! Live well, my friends! 🙂

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